Rethinking Sex in Uncertain Times
Apr 22, 2025
We often hear these days that we live in uncertain times.
Climate change. Ecological crisis. Greater uncertainty about another world war. Financial uncertainty. Exponential increase of technology. Political uncertainties as many countries all over the world lean to the political far right. Many predict great changes in 2025.
But hasn't humanity always lived in uncertain times? Uncertainty is relative. Uncertainty to me means that ultimately, we cannot predict or see the future.
“The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next” wrote Ursula K. LeGuin.
Maybe it's time to re-think how we think about the future - and also how we prepare for it.
Instead of uncertainty, let's call it THE UNKNOWN - the GREAT MYSTERY.
We don’t know what will happen next, and we cannot know. We’ve never known.
And yet, as a species, we continue to survive an uncertain, unpredictable, and indigestible existence.
That is a fundamental truth about life: “the only thing that’s certain is change”. For people who have become habituated to their standards of safety, control, and predictably, a lot of change can be very unsettling for the nervous system. It can evoke the feeling that we are not in control and indeed, ultimately, this is true. We are not in control.
One of the core practices that I believe is elemental in regards to mental health is of course, sex.
But I don't mean 2 minute quickies without looking at each other, or watching a few porn videos before going to bed - I mean sacred sex.
And here are 6 reasons why sex can help us thrive while living in the unknown:
1. Sacred Sexuality can prepare us for death
Who knows what really happens when we die. But often people say, a 5-MEO DMT trip gives you a bit of an idea as you leave the body completely and enter another reality. When I did my first 5-MEO DMT trip, it was similar to an orgasm, just more intense and prolonged. I was both in a gigantic tunnel expanding into infinity, while still feeling my body. A high-frequency, expansive orgasm is like a mini death. “Petit-mort”, the French call it - ‘little death’. It’s like merging with the one-ness of the cosmos.
2. Sacred Sexuality can soothe our nervous system and create safety on a deep somatic level.
Pleasure can induce safety. When your body doesn’t feel relaxed or safe, it’s because it lives in the memory of traumatic or scary experiences. The more pleasure there is to experience, the more our body learns to trust. We can also invite a deeper relaxation through being conscious and present when we touch ourselves or each other, and listen to the needs of our body and respond with slowness and intention. Slow sex in fact, can be a profound experience to tap into deeper trust and enhances a meditative quality.
3. Sacred Sexuality can help us feel more empowered and remind us of our agency.
Sex is more than just sex. It is life force energy. When we activate this energy, it transforms us. It makes us more alive and creative. Spring is a perfect time to start activating more of your sexual energy.
4. Sacred Sexuality can help to open the heart, which is how we feel love.
My partner and I are often using Erotic Massage to connect our sexuality with our heart, especially after a fight or disconnect. This is a technique where we activate the two power centres - the root chakra and the heart chakra. Techniques like this one, create an enormous increase of the love hormone oxytocin which can feel equal to journeying on MDMA.
5. Sacred Sexuality can help us to become more mindful and present.
Being mindful and connected to the body are fundamental skills to practice sacred sexuality. The more present we are, the more attuned we are to our own bodies, and the body of our partner.
For people with yonis (pussies), this can be trained through a self-pleasure practice with a crystal wand or a yoni egg. For people with lingams (cocks), this can be trained through slow breathing while holding your bits or massaging your testicles gently.
6. Sacred Sexuality can create a deep, and meaningful connection to ourselves and our partner(s).
Sex connects. When I self-pleasured myself well, with presence, I feel an increase of self-love and a greater capacity to hold all of me. I feel closer to myself. When I have high-quality sex with my partner, we are more playful, at ease and more compassionate towards each other.
It is for these reasons that sacred sex is one of the greatest tools at our disposal in these times.
With love and respect,
Bibi Gratzer
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