Every Love Story Begins Here
Sep 16, 2025
The love story that will never end, even on the day you die...
A dear sister of mine, whom I am mentoring, is stepping into a 3-month container to devote herself entirely to herself.
No dating apps, no casual flings, no reaching outside for validation.
Just her, her body, her soul, her rituals.
I am celebrating her with all of you, because taking this step isn't easy.
It reminded me of something I’ve lived myself several times over.
Before I met my partner, I went on a 6-month journey of celibacy.
Actually, this was the third one of its kind in my life.
Because no—my work is not just about relating to and having sex with others.
My work is about devotion to love, truth and liberation.
And sometimes these values mean choosing yourself before choosing anyone else.
In fact, for those of us who need to feel wanted and needed by someone else to feel complete, I believe this is an essential process to have healthier relationships.
Every relationship begins here
Every relationship starts with the one you have with yourself.
โจ How well can you romance yourself?
โจ How tenderly can you soothe yourself and your pain?
โจ What happens if you are all by yourself, without distractions?
โจ And how deeply can you make love to yourself—beyond the habitual?
What I discovered wasn’t just ‘me’.
If we approach these practices from a place of separation, it can feel lonely, agonisingly painful in fact.
But the deeper truth is that self-love is never just “me.”
It’s remembering that we are part of something larger—life, spirit, creation itself.
For me, these times of celibacy were a love story between me and the divine.
It wasn’t all rosy and easy, even though I really enjoyed the dates with myself on full-moon nights out alone on the Devon Coast.
But there were rough patches, too.
sometimes I was so horny and in need of touch it felt like my skin was burning.
Other times I found myself crying so many tears I could have filled a whole cup.
It was during these weeks, when I made my first connection to the brother in me - the man that was never acknowledged, never seen, never mentored and never appreciated.
How could I appreciate any men, if I didn’t even appreciate him inside of me?
The cultural story of “success”
One of the hardest things I’ve had to unlearn is the story our culture tells us:
That success means being in a relationship.
That fulfilment means having children.
That we are somehow incomplete until someone else claims us.
I am still unlearning this story, every day a little bit more. It is probably my deepest wound, and the one thing that I find the hardest to detach from.
And you know what they say about our deepest wounds?
They are a gateway into another dimension.
For me, tending this wound is about letting go of knowing what is best or right for me, but trusting in a higher intelligence.
In the 3rd step of the 12 steps it says: 'I surrender my will and my life to the care of God as I understand God'.
What if...
True success is about making your own dreams come alive?
Keeping your own promises?
And loving yourself whole-heartedly even though you are far from perfect, and your life is nothing like you expected it to be?
What if...
Love, in its purest form, begins when you stop abandoning yourself?
Ask yourself: “what would I need to do differently to stop abandoning myself?”
My own practice of boundaries
During that 6-month celibacy, I set very clear boundaries. So clear that I could feel them.
They held me—not in collapse or suppression—but in strength.
I’ll be honest: I broke them once.
I went on an adventure with a man I had just met. At the end, he wanted to kiss me.
And in that moment, it was the container itself that saved me.
It was this boundary breach that taught me the most important lesson of all during this time - that I gave myself away too quickly.
That moment didn’t feel like failure.
It felt like clarity.
Like remembering who I really belonged to first: myself, my worth, my truth, my life.
There was no shaming, no blaming, no judging myself for crossing that line.
What I learnt was that it's less about perfection but about sitting down with myself, like a good parent would sit with a child, and ask: "Why did you cross that boundary?" - and then I really heard the answer.
An invitation for you - regardless of your relationship status
Whether you’re single, longing for love, or in a relationship (and you want to up-level) you can always come back to yourself.
To know where you want to go, you need to know who you are and what you want:
๐น Assess your core values: What truly matters to you in love and in life? Check in with these core-values often. Ask yourself with every decision that you make: “Is this in alignment with my highest and best?”
๐นAssess your hell yes and your hell no: What are your sacred boundaries? What boundaries do you need to create so that your soul can expand? And what will you do if you break them?
๐น Name the relational qualities you long for—and the ones you refuse to compromise on.
๐น Make love to yourself often enough, it really can change your life
For the women and pussy owners among you—if you are on a solo-journey and want to deepen your relationship with your cervix, your womb, your yoni… I invite you into a sacred space.
Every month, I am offering this workshop: Yoni De-Armouring For Female Bodies
It’s a sacred space for healing, release, and awakening deeper pleasure in your own body—without needing anyone else to give it to you.
This can also be super healing if you suffer from menstrual pain.
๐ Reflection for you:
If you were to commit to a season of dating yourself, what boundary would you set?
What ritual of devotion would you practice?
Because every love story worth living begins right here: with you.
With love,
Bibi Gratzer
Sacred Sex & Relationship Coach
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