Griefgasm as Medicine for Sadness
Apr 18, 2025
One of my teachers once said "we have hearts so that they can break." Without a broken heart, we’d never learn about gratitude or humility. We’d be trapped in our ego self, thinking that we are in control here. We’d never expand our attention outwards and experience the great mystery that is life.
When my heart feels broken and sore I remember his words and surrender to the breaking instead of resisting it.
Grief is the gap between what is and what could have been. It is our journey into acceptance - the kind of acceptance that comes when there is nothing to change about life as it is.
Grief tells me tales about what deeply matters to me, it tells me about the things that I would have loved to experience but didn’t. It tells me about my longings and my attachments to this earthly existence. Grief tells me the story of love.
We live in a culture that has a huge shadow around emotions such as grief and pleasure, and around facing uncertainty.
We’d rather numb ourselves, distract ourselves, eat more, drink more, exercise more, do anything but to feel.
We’d rather book holidays and plan the next 5 years, than to reside in the not-knowing.
What is your favourite choice of numbing your feelings?
And what do you do to pretend that you are in control of life?
For most of us, feelings are scary. And having your heart broken, even scarier.
I work with so many people who protect themselves from a broken heart by denying their self-worth, withdrawing from connection, and suppressing their aliveness with addictions.
What we overlook is that nothing can protect us from pain, but you can change the way you receive pain.
If you are not opening yourself up to love, connection, and vulnerability, then some parts of you still experience pain. Perhaps this is pain on your own rather than shared pain.
If you are suppressing your aliveness, some parts of you still experience pain. The pain of longing for a full life. If you are denying your self-worth, you experience pain.
Maybe some of these pains get tuned down. Maybe it’s less intense to live a life half-felt.
But there is no escape from pain on this planet.
There is, however, an escape from the fear of feeling. And instead, receive pain as a gift from life.
Orgasmic energy and pleasure are a medicine for pain. This is the world of ecstatic living.
Remember, life is a gift.
That means, sensation is a gift. By surrendering to the sensation is our way of gifting something back to life.
Instead of being unaware of the body, I am embodied.
Tip #1 when you are scared of feeling:
I am in the body, but I am not the body. I feel, but I am not my feelings.
Tip #2 when you are scared of feeling:
Ultimately, I can’t control what I feel, but I can direct emotions into a new direction, such as mixing them with pleasure and even orgasmic fire.
Feeling has become a lot less scary since I have learnt how to navigate even the most intense emotions.
How come that isn’t one of the core skills we learn at school? Instead of learning things that most of us will never need again in our lives - why aren’t we learning tools for emotional ecstasy?
Why is no-one teaching us that you can transform anger, grief and shame into orgasmic ecstasy?
If you want to learn how to do that, come on a little experiential journey with me:
- Begin with slowly dropping your lower lip.
- Soften your jaw. Take a moment here to notice the tension you have been holding in your jaw.
- Then let the breath stream in through your mouth.
Let it be deep.
Like drinking in the breath.
- And now lets send the breath through your awareness into your heart.
- Take a few breaths here, into your heart. Notice the flavour of sensation that’s in your heart.
- Slow down. Feel.
- If there is joy, inhale the joy. If there is sadness, let there be sadness. Notice the sensations bubbling up.
- Then breathe into your sex-center - your lingam or your yoni.
- Notice a different flavour of sensation here. Slow down even more. Get really present.
- Now imagine, in your heart is sadness or pain.
- And then you start mixing that pain with your sexual energy.
- You start breathing sexual energy up into your heart while you let yourself cry.
- Inhaling the sexual energy up through the mouth.
- Exhaling making any sounds that come from your body: screaming, crying, pleasurable sounds.
- Inhaling the sexual energy up through the mouth.
- Exhaling with these sounds coming naturally from you.
It can feel intense. But that’s life. Life on planet earth is intense.
If you don’t want to feel intensity, go somewhere else.
Your body is made for intensity.
For feeling life fully.
So, my dear sisters and brothers, please stop numbing yourself.
Please stop being so afraid of pain.
Please stop holding yourself back from living the life you want to live because you are afraid of getting hurt.
You will only end up hurting yourself over time. One way or another, life will hurt. Stop trying to control when and how that hurt might happen.
Instead, train yourself to deal with whatever hurt might come along.
Transform that hurt into a prayer.
Transform that hurt into griefgasms.
And remember, that you are not alone.
You never will be.
With love and respect,
Bibi Gratzer
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